Pipe Experiment
I never realised that the 'cock rings' that I regularly saw in
magazines (as a teenager) were adjustable so that they could be
RELEASED. You learn these things by experimenting... Or.... for
want of a better expression... the hard way.
Teenage lad (shortly after the blissfull discovery of the "orgasm")
slips a napkin ring around his todger... and uses it as a wanking
handle.
Mid session, the make-shift napkin suddenly became too big for the
ring... Being the smart lad I was, I reasoned "It'll go down if I
get turned off".. so, 10 minutes of mentally picturing my
grandmother naked should fix it... but No! I was infact increasing
in size.
After being horrified by the discovery that I obviously harboured
disturbing thoughts for my Gran, I took no joy in the discovery and
Realisation of the bio-mechanics behind my now monsterous and
painful hardon.
You know how a love-bite/hickey causes surface capilaries to burst,
and make your skin go a blotchy red/purple? well... my D*ck was
VERY much like that... ALL OVER.
I was terrified, and in my moment of need turned to my trusty
Minicraft Drill... Two cutting disks later, the pewter napkin ring
was only HALF off!! Compunding my misery, pain and horror, my MUM
came up to see why i was "making toys" at 2:00am on a school
night.
I bear the scars till this day.
Oh Emma!
My cousin was walking back from a club with some friends a few
years back, when they saw a single parked car in a cark park.
Inside was a man, slumped forward looking rather dead, so they
flagged down a passing police car for help.
The policeman went up to the car, took out his truncheon and tapped
politely on the window, at which point the 'corpse' woke up. Mr
Plod asked him if he was ok and if he would step out of the car.
The man said he would really rather stay there, but the policeman
insisted.
The car door was opened and the policemen, my cousin and her
friends were in for a treat - the man had trousers and pants round
his ankles, a cardboard cutout of Baby Spice, and his todger poking
through a handy hole in said cutout.
Turns out he wasn't dead, he'd just wanked himself
unconscious.
Dead End
My mates sister (honest!!) was doing the pathology bit of her
medical degree
They had to examine one corpse to determine cause of death. The
only clue they had was a large circular exit wound on the top of
his shoulder. After much deliberation, the class decided that it
was some sort of gunshot wound.
It actually turned out that the gentleman in question had been
pleasuring himself, whilst stood on the edge of the bath. No bad
thing, but he choose to have the handle of a broom up his bottom at
the same time. And was using the shower curtain rail as something
to grab hold of for support.
Unfortunately it would appear that shower curtain rails aren't the
best 'wanking supports' as it snapped, impaling him upon the broom
like a man kebab. And hence the shoulder exit wound.
I hope that's a warning to anyone considering having a wank with a
broom up their arse whilst swinging from a shower curtain!!!
Still, you've gotta laugh, eh!
